the flattened centipede

Man and insects, we cannot live as one united world. Sorry.

I was taking a smoke break just now. It was supposed to be a peaceful affair. I smoke a couple of sticks and just rest my mind from work. It was my moment to unwind and welcome the weekends as lunch break marks the halfway point to the end of workday, but it turned out to be a stressful game. I'm just standing there, minding my own business thinking randomly...............

"Maybe Tupac Shakur is still alive. I mean after watching 'Tupac: Resurrected' last night on HBO I realised the guy had the whole world against him even though he was somehow trying to help the ghettos through his Gangsta Rap music... He had been shot 5 times before and people like puff daddy and biggie were like accusing him of something bad, and he had to go to jail for something he didnt do (allegedly sexually abused a female companion while he was sleeping)... The guy probably had enough of all that bullshit and faked his death... I really hope he faked his death... I think he's probably in jamaica chillin with bob marley or something now... Oh! So that's what my little brother lutfi was trying to tell me then 10 years ago..."

And then flashback to back in 1996/97 (cant remember) when my brother said, "Kak, I swear he is still alive.. He's probably in cuba now with Notorious BIG aka Biggie.. You must read this 13-paged theory of why he is still alive..." and I obligingly said "Ok I will, fi.." But I didnt....
And then this flying insect that looked like a baby wasp came flying around me, interrupting my thoughts as if to tell me, "Hey, we're here u idiot! Look around you!"

From that point onwards, I had to look up and down to check for these creepy crawlies around me while trying to unwind. Very stressful.

Then I started thinking about how the fat man's laugh always ends with an 'O' like HoHoHo ala santa claus because he is a fat man. Then I started to realise that the rich man's laugh also goes like "Ho ho ho.." and I thought, how funny is that? And as this was all happening in my mind, I noticed a dried leaf was moving quite actively on top of the green grass and there was no wind to make it move like that so it had to be insects doing that to the dried leaf. And then I started thinking what types of insects could that be? Ants perhaps? I wish I was an entomologist at that point. I would be so wise like Grisom from CSI and know what the hell is actually going on around me. And after that thought, I looked down again, and there it was, a centipede.
It's tail was moving vigourously as it crawled at an incredible speed of 15km/hr (or so it seems cos it was moving real fast), towards my feet. I swore at that moment I would never step foot at this particular grid in my entire life ever again but for now, I'm here already, I have to deal with this.

The centipede moved really fast towards me but decided to detour to the right and parked itself behind the left rear wheel of my car. I walked to the rear of my car to observe. I just wanted the cigarette to end cos suddenly it tasted like what dead centipedes would taste. It just rested just behind my wheels. My focus of that 2 minutes was now the centipede.
Ilyana's head went, "Should I get in the car now and reverse? Ewww. No what if it sticks on my wheel forever? My tyre would probably look like it has a thin, buldging scar like those badly operated stabwounds. Hmmmmm.... Think yana. THINK! Decide now. Crush it or leave it? (leave it was usually never an option for me when it comes to insects that are vulnerable) Leave it and what, Mother Nature will see that and tell all the insects never to bother me again? How about if I made a pact with her, will that work? Yana, you're crazy! Just finish the stick, get in and drive off NOW!"

But that's not what I did. I went with my first instinct instead. I quickly took the last puff, got in the car, turned on the engine, put the gear to reverse mode, and drove back like a metre. Then I went forward like a metre. Then BACK again like a metre (just in case centipedes are as tough as I once read they were from my primary 4 text book) and I need the wheel to rotate a full circle. Then I sped off back to my office about half a kilometre away hoping that somehow the speed would really crush that vermin to death over and over again.

When I reached the carpark, I parked my car and got out and never looked back at my tyre. Why? Cos I'm afraid, I guess. It should look disgusting. I really hope it got stuck on the road instead of my wheels. I dont know what to do now. I'm not at ease. I really hate insects. I thought it was just roaches but I guess it's all of them. I mean, just this morning I saw a trail of ants in MY ROOM and it really got my day off to a bad start.

(And do you know how many times I accidentally typed "incest" instead of insects? I tell u incest is evil! I mean insect!)

How cool and interesting would singapore be if it was an insect free country? How many more tourist (thus, income) would come into Singapore just by that fact alone? "We present Singapore, ladies and gentlemen. The only country in the world with NO insects!" Then we'll get a whole breed of people living in Singapore. We'll get people just like me living in Singapore. Those who feel uncomfortable can migrate elsewhere at let the insect haters leave in peace here. We'll probably change our name to something else. I'm not creative enough now to think of one though right now. I'll probably get along with everyone and I'll be the president of the people and like wow........

i need to get a life, man