Fast Forward to 2022

It's 2022. Im 43 now. I suddenly remembered this blog when i played Blondie in the car for Naima on the way back from Ikea. 

I married Dannie on 18 January 2008. The only friend who flew in for my wedding was Putri, bless her. She eventually married my brother Erfan and they have 2 beautiful daughters, Alexa and Aleeya. Coincidentally, they are finally coming to Singapore tomorrow.I havent seen them since the pandemic. i have never met Aleeya. She was born during the pandemic. 

This pandemic is insane. 

Anyways, I have 2 wonderful children now, Naima and Mika. Naima's 12 and taking her PSLE now and Mika's turning 9 in October. 

 Windy's still my friend. He married Selina and have 2 amazing sons who goes to the SAME SCHOOL as my kids now. 

Alwiyah is still my dearest friend but she got married in 2012 and moved to KL to be with her husband Hassan and have 2 adorable kids, Hamza and Noor. 

 Kin is still my dearest friend too. We just met with Gill on Thursday. She married Sharul when i just found out I was pregnant with Mika. they have 2 adorable kids, Zia and Adam. 

 Farrah is no longer a friend. our friendship has reduced to reacting to each other's stories on Instagram. she married a welsh i think,and has a beautiful daughter Heidi. 

No longer friends with wan and harry. both married with kids though. I do meet fi occassionally but rarely. he has a son and twin girls now. 

Adrian Low is now just a facebook friend sadly. He has two cute sons whom i have never met. 

 Ilaiza? Ilaiza. I dont wish to speak any ill of her cos shes a beautiful but lost soul i wish i could keep up with her complex energy. i wish her peace. 

 I have new friends now. Some ive known back in 2006 but grew much closer over the decade. 

Oh how can I forget my beloved youngest brother Lutfi.  lutfi is married to a syrian welsh girl named Nadine and has a beautiful daughter Alia. Nadine is a rare gem. i love her. They live in Cambridge at the moment. Lutfi is doing his PhD there. 

Dannie's sister moved to Bonn with her husband Ravi. 

I do wish my kids’ uncles and aunties and cousins are here in Singapore but the sad reality is, they are not. Singapore is not home for them. It always hits me hard thinking about it but I try not to dwell too much on it and I think Dannie and I have held the fort pretty well without them, Alhamdulillah. And I guess it makes their visits extra special and not to be taken for granted. The inner deeper thoughts on this shall never be written but shall remain in my thoughts. I have accepted that this is what life’s meant to be and to enjoy every moment of it. 

I read my “about me” and lol-ed. bali is now a special place I share with my children. I’m so happy they love Bali as much as I do. We’ve made some sweet memories there over the years and I do laugh to myself when flashbacks of past bali trips hit me at familiar spots. 

Since 2006, so much has happened. ive grown in way i could never imagine. im a stay at home mom and full time wife since 2011. i dont work but being at home with the kids is my whole life. being around for my parents is the biggest gift too. this pandemic has changed the world in a way we could NEVER IMAGINED. I had covid back last month. it was the worst. it woke me up too. health is not to be taken for granted. ive made some adjustments and changes in my life since then. i hope to continue that and progress in my wellness and well-being. mental health is also very important. 

I dunno what else to say. i am extremely grateful to the almighty. i hope if i go back to this blog in 16 years time, in sha Allah, i would have more blessings, more clarity, more peace. I have eliminated almost everything in my life that does not bring me joy. i try not waste my time and energy with people who do not bring me joy. i have gotten rid of toxic people in my life. i stay away from drama. i meditate. i try to pray on time. i try to not idle and fill my mind with dzikir. i try. im nowhere near perfect. i have been exponentially humbled over the years. i have made so many mistakes and i continue to learn. i have hurt people. people have hurt me. i try to grow everyday. i try to be in the moment. i try to fill my day with love and happiness. i continue to strive to be productive. i continue to remind myself to be grateful for every single thing. 

Oh Allah, Ya Rabb, Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim… I am grateful for all the pain that turns me back to You again and again and again. 

I still have many hopes and dreams but they will be kept in my heart. Only Allah knows. i will continue to strengten my connection with Him. He is closer to us than our jugular veins. i love you Allah. thank you,Alhamdulillah, for everything. for the pain,for the hurt, for the lessons,for putting everyone in my life good and bad, for the magic, for the love, for the joy, Alhamdulillah. i will try to live my life with grace. 

drink tea everyday. 

My anxiety gets milder and milder by the minute. It has been reduced to a few seconds of panic followed by deep breaths that easily melt them away in seconds and I have no idea how I got here, well I know but it’s too long to type but I am forever grateful. 

My parents are really getting older. Subhanallah. I don’t want to talk about them cos I will just cry and it’s 3.22am now. I need to sleep. I just love them more than I probably did in 2006. Exponentially more. Me and my mom, MashaAllah. That’s all I am going to say. 

 If this was june, my narrative would have been very different in terms of my well-being and health. getting covid in july shook my soul. that ustad who came by, a gift from Allah. Allah made that happen. my years of plight and tears and duas were finally answered. ALLAHUMA BARIKH. 

Please keep me in your duas. Never take anything for granted. Time waits for nobody. To all the friends ive lost, i wish you all the best and hope you are well and in peace. i dont hate you. I am just glad you are no longer in my life. thank you for making me stronger though. 

To all my friends today, i love you all so much. you are my biggest blessings. In no particular order... i will type your names and hope in years to come, you are still in my life: Mariam Gill Kin Wiyah Hafiyah Ayu Yana Nadra Fana Ameelia Rudy Hairul Dani and all your children by default. you guys are it. 

Naima and Mika, you are both more important than the valves of my heart. You both and baba (Dannie), are my whole world. now i have to sleep because in sha Allah we get to wake up early tomorrow to have mcdonald's breakfast. we shall try.

Also this shit is therapeutic af. Lol language has changed too since 2006. Oh well. Salaam.